Signing up for the Akatsuki
by Renji9031
Summary: Team Kakashi signs up to join the Akatsuki.  Rated T just to be safe.
1. Bleach What?

Signing Up for Akatsuki

Summary: Team Kakashi is assigned to spy on Akatsuki, but what happens when Naruto puts down all the correct information for himself?

DISCLAIMER: IF I ACTUALLY OWNED NARUTO OR BLEACH, I'D BE MAKING THE NEXT CHAPTER IN THE MANGA INSTEAD OF THIS FANFICTION

* * *

Chapter 1: Bleach What?

Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, and Sai were all waiting impatiently for Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, to show up. Naruto was pacing her office, muttering things like "it was never this bad waiting for Kakashi" and "if Grandma Tsunade doesn't get here soon I will be Hokage sooner than I thought."

Finally, Tsunade showed up and offered up the excuse, "Sorry guys, I got lost on the road of life."

This made Kakashi furious. "GET YOUR OWN DAMN EXCUSES YOU LIAR!!!"

"Well anyway, I want you to join Akatsuki," Tsunade said without a second's pause.

All four members of Team Kakashi's jaws were dropped so far, even Gaara could tell that Naruto hadn't brushed for four months. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY!?!?!?"

"I said I want you to join Akatsuki. I want you to spy on them for us."

* * *

At the Akatsuki Hideout: 

"OK, apparently we have some new recruits," said Pain, the Akatsuki Leader. "Go get the application forms now you idiots."

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura, Naruto, Sai, and Kakashi were waiting patiently at the waiting room (A.N. Yes, apparently the Akatsuki have waiting rooms in case they have company) when Itachi came out with their applications. "OK, just fill these out. Get them back to us when you're done." 

"Remember Naruto," Sakura began, "don't use your real name for anything, OK?" Apparently they did not want their status known to Akatsuki. They had even chosen to dress differently… well, almost all of them.

Sakura was wearing a light blue cat suit with green polka dots and a Leaf Headband with a slash through it. Sai was clad in a green jumpsuit similar to Rock Lee's. He claimed he stole it from Lee before defecting. Kakashi was wearing an outfit similar to Kakuzu's, only pure black.

Naruto on the other hand, was wearing his customary orange jumpsuit. The only difference was that he was wearing a Sand Village headband.

"Umm… not that it's any of my business, but where did you get that headband?" Kakashi asked while working.

"Just found it lying around," Naruto said.

Naruto went back to his application.

After they were all done, they showed each other their applications.

Sakura's was thus:

Name: Kuchiki Rukia

Gender: Female

Date of Birth: Well I don't have one but my date of death is December 15, 1492

Previous Affiliation: Soul Society

Previous Occupation: Shinigami

Likes: Abarai Renji, Kurosaki Ichigo, Inoue Orihime, Juice

Dislikes: Kon, My brother, hollows, Urahara Kisuke

Jutsus: What's a jutsu?

Any Special Abilities That We Should Know About: I have a zanpakutō.

"Nice one Sakura. Let's hope none of those guys are fans of that show. What was it called again?" Kakashi said.

"I think it's called Shaman something," said Naruto.

"IT'S BLEACH!!!!" Sakura and Sai said in unison.

"And who did you say you were, Sai? Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"No… I mean… yes."

Sai's:

Name: Kurosaki Ichigo

Gender: Male

Date of Birth: October 24, 1991

Previous Affiliation: ME

Previous Occupation: Temporary Shinigami

Likes: Inoue Orihime, Kuchiki Rukia, Chad, my sisters, my dad, my mom

Dislike: Grand Fisher, hollows, other shinigami, Urahara Kisuke, Kon, Ishida Uryū

Jutsus: What the hell is a jutsu?

Any Special Abilities That We Should Know About: None that I want to tell you.

"Good job Sai. I seriously hope that these people are not fans of Cowboy Bebop," said Kakashi.

Naruto said, "That's not right. It's Naruto."

"BLEACH DAMN IT!!!" Sakura and Sai scream.

"My turn," said Kakashi.

Kakashi's

Name: Turd Ferguson

Gender: Male

Date of Birth: October 19, 1985 for 500 Alex.

Previous Affiliation: Rock Village

Previous Occupation: Jeopardy Contestant

Likes: Jeopardy, Alex Trebek, Rock Village, Deidara, Money

Dislikes: Sean Connery, Miles Davis, Hatake Kakashi

Jutsus: Lightning Blade, Sharingan, other stuff

Any Special Abilities That We Should Know About: Mangekyou Sharingan

"Good Kakashi-sensei," said all three of the ninjas that were not Kakashi.

Naruto gave them his without a second thought.

Name: Naruto Uzumaki

Gender: Male

Date of Birth: October 10, 1993

Previous Affiliation: Leaf Village

Previous Occupation: The Leaf Village's Number One Hyperactive Knucklehead Ninja

Likes: Ramen, Hyuuga Hinata, Kicking Itachi's butt, Leaf Village

Dislikes: Waiting three minutes for the ramen to cook, Sasuke, Sai, and THE AKATSUKI

Jutsus Known: Shadow Clone Jutsu, Summoning Jutsu, Rasengan

Any Special Abilities That We Should know About: I have the Kyuubi sealed inside me.

"Ummm… maybe you missed the point in TRICKING the Akatsuki," said Kakashi.

"We are soooooooo gonna die," said everyone but Naruto.

"OK, finished already? OK" Itachi said after taking their applications.

* * *

In the Interview Area: 

Sakura was standing in a room with Pain, Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Konan, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, and Tobi.

"OK, Miss Kuchiki Rukia, it says here that you are a shinigami. What's a shinigami?" said Pain.

"It's the death god and the main characters in a show called Bleach," said Kakuzu. "I have it on right now."

"Wait? Kakuzu has his laptop here too? Why couldn't we do this as an online chat?" said Sasori.

"Sasori, Sasori, Sasori… this is an interview. We have to follow certain protocol. Interviews have to be live or over the phone," said Itachi.

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT WE COULD HAVE DONE THIS OVER THE PHONE!?!?!? I am so gone!" Sasori gathered his things and left.

"Why is he in such a hurry?" asked Zetsu.

"He needs to go update his W.I.T.C.H. fanfiction. I don't get why he likes that show," said Deidara.

"Tobi likes that show too." You can guess who said that.

Konan said, "I think it's pretty good."

"Don't we have more important things to do?" asked Kisame as the phone rang.

"Hello? You've reached the Akatsuki Headquarters. This is Tobi speaking. May Tobi ask why you are calling?"

"Tobi. Put me on speaker," said Sasori.

"Who is this? Tobi doesn't need any speakers," said Tobi.

"TOBI! PUT ME… give the phone to Itachi."

"Itachi? He's busy with an interview. May Tobi take a message?"

"Who's on the phone?" asked Kisame?

"Tobi doesn't know. He's trying to sell Tobi speakers," Tobi said as he hung up on Sasori.

"Tobi was that Sasori trying to get on speakerphone?" asked Itachi.

"Never mind that. The fanboy and the fangirl are getting into it," said Kisame.

Sakura and Kakuzu were currently arguing about how strong Zangetsu was, what episode they were on, how they were going to cosplay at the next anime convention, which they were exchanging information for.

"God. I hate fangirls. NEXT!!!" said Pain.

Sai walked in.

"OK Mister Kurosaki Ichigo. Wait a second… this is the same kind of application as the last one. I'm glad all these death gods are deciding to join," Pain said.

"He looks nothing like he does on the show. Looks more like Uryū," said Kakuzu.

"Why the hell would you mistake me for that bastard!? I'm obviously in disguise," said Sai.

"That's definitely Ichigo. He acts just like him," said Kakuzu. "I believe the application."

"WE HAVE TO RESCUE RUKIA!!!" said Kakuzu's laptop.

"Is that Episode 52? I thought that that one didn't come out till Saturday," said Sai.

"It's on YouTube right now. Wanna watch?" asked Kakuzu.

"Do I!?!?" Sai and Kakuzu sat in the corner watching Bleach.

"'Next', said Itachi with a sigh."

"TOBI WOULD YOU STOP NARRATING MY LIFE!?!?" said Itachi. "NEXT!!!!"

Naruto walked in.

"OK so Mr. Naruto Uzumaki. OK Mr. Naruto, so it seems like..." Pain read through the application and said, "Wait a second. Itachi, did you read this application?"

"Yes. I did. I think that this is the Kyuubi brat, Uzumaki Naruto," Itachi said.

Naruto gulped. They found him out.

"Naaah. He can't be that stupid. After all. This guy is Naruto Uzumaki of the Sand, not Uzumaki Naruto of the Leaf," Pain said.

"But it says he's from the Leaf Village."

"But he's wearing a Sand headband. It must be a typo."

"He HAND WROTE IT!!!"

"This must have been forged."

All the time this was going on between Itachi and Pain, Kisame was pointing at Naruto with his jaw touching ground somewhere in the middle of New Jersey.

"See, Itachi?" Deidara said. "Kisame likes him already."

"He's pointing out that it's… nevermind. NEXT!!!"

"Wait. Wait. One more thing before you leave," said Tobi. "Tobi sees that you dislike the Akoo-seki. Tobi doesn't like them either."

Itachi sweatdropped. "Tobi, it says Akatsu… nevermind. NEXT!!!"

Kakashi stood before the Akatsuki.

"OK Mr. Turd Ferguson. OK. Mr. Turd. It says here you have Shareengone. How is that possible? Only him, him, and some other guy have Sharinpong.

"Pain, it's Sharingan, and I really think that Turd Ferguson here is Hatake Kakashi," said Itachi.

"But it says that he's Turd Ferguson of the Rocks."

"I've never seen that guy before," said Deidara.

"I moved there after you left. I am a big fan," Kakashi said without missing a beat.

Pain gave everyone a glance and said, "HE'S IN!!!"

"But… Can I come back to the Leaf?"

"NO!!!" yelled Kakashi.

* * *

Meanwhile in the Hidden Sand Village: 

"Temari, have you seen my headband?" asked Gaara.

"Naruto asked if he could borrow it when he was over playing you Xbox 360. He said something about needing it for a mission," said Temari.


	2. Sasori's Room

Signing Up for the Akatsuki:

Chapter 2: Sasori's Room

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. There. I said it. Leave me alone.

* * *

The Akatsuki were in the room where Team Kakashi had interviewed for the positions. The only problem was that they were not discussing which one to let into Akatsuki. They were just discussing random crap.

Sasori decided that now was the time to make his grand re-entrance. He walked in and said, "So, who did we pick?"

"I don't know. I was just asking Tobi why he was such an idiot," Pain said.

"Why are you asking TOBI why HE is an idiot?" Itachi asked after sending water jetting out his nose.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me an idiot, Itachi?" Pain was getting really annoyed, but Itachi obviously didn't care. In fact, he was having fun.

"No. I am not calling you an idiot," Itachi said with a huge amount of sarcasm in his voice. And by huge, I mean bigger than Kyuubi.

"Wait a second," Tobi interrupted. "What is that Tobi sees?" Tobi saw Sasori's iPhone.

"It's nothing Tobi. It's nothing." Sasori obviously didn't want Pain to know about the iPhone.

"TOBI SEES AN IPHONE!!! TOBI WANTS AN IPHONE!!!"

"Shut up, Tobi," Sasori said. "That's it. I'm leaving."

"Pain-sama, Tobi feels hurt by Sasori's insults."

"I need to have words with Sasori. Itachi. Kisame. Go talk to Sasori for me," Pain ordered.

"Why us?"

"I don't want to have to deal with him."

After Itachi and Kisame left, the both said, "Yes. Time for some Xbox."

They both went up to Sasori's room. Little did they know that a certain masked Uchiha was following them.

"So, Sasori. What are you doing?"

"I'm just commenting on this new Naruto fanfiction. It's good and all, but I'm not in it except for the FIRST PARAGRAPH!!!" said Sasori.

"Look. You are not in every story. Get used to it," said Itachi.

Kisame was just looking at the door. "Itachi, I seriously think we were followed."

"TOBI IS TELLING PAIN!!!!!"

The next thing the three of them heard was… "ITACHI!!!!!! KISAME!!!!!!! SASORI!!!!!! GET DOWN TO THE DELIBERATION ROOM!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!"

* * *

"Wow. You guys are here early. I didn't even call for you. Why are you here?" asked Pain.

"I'm not telling him, said Itachi.

"They are here because Sasori insulted Tobi," said Tobi.

"When did he do that?" asked Pain. What he didn't know was that Itachi, Sasori, and Kisame had left. They were now in the waiting room.

"So, Turd, Rukia, Ichigo and Uzumaki, we're going to go to Sasori's room and play some Xbox. You guys want to come?" asked Itachi.

"What games do you have?" asked Naruto.

"I have Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2, KOTOR both 1 and 2, Spider-Man 3, Bleach Blade Battlers…"

"WE ARE SO IN!!!" both Sai and Sakura said in unison.

"Just so you know, I am good with that one guy. You know, the one with the speed and the sword that becomes petals…"

"Byakuya?" asked Sai.

"Yeah. Him," said Sasori.

They got up to Sasori's room and the first thing Kakashi said was, "Damn. How did you get all this stuff in here?"

"Don't ask." Sasori's room was just a giant computer with a bed and a fridge with Mountain Dew.

"One thing before we begin. Turd, I know you are Kakashi. Rukia, you are obviously Sakura, Naruto Uzumaki? Who would not get that it's you, Naruto. And… well I have no idea who you are," said Itachi.

Sai quickly introduced himself now that his cover was blown.

"Now, just so you know, we don't really care that you are here."

"Why not?" asked Naruto.

"Have you seen those idiots down there?" asked Itachi.

There was a knock at the door. Itachi went to check it out while the rest of the crew set up Bleach: Blade Battlers.

"Hello," Itachi said as he answered the door.

"Umm. Excuse me. I heard that Kurosaki Ichigo lived here," said a man dressed in black and white garb. "He's behind on his zanpakutō payments. I'm here to collect."

"There's no Kurosaki Ichigo here," said Itachi.

"But I could have sworn he was here," said the man.

"Over Zaraki Kenpachi's cold dead ass," said Itachi.

"Want to say that to my face?" asked a giant man with an eye patch on his right eye.

"Your voice is familiar. Jiraiya, right?" asked Itachi.

"I'm Zaraki Kenpachi, dumbass," said Kenpachi.

Just then Kenpachi heard… himself. He went up to Sasori's room to check things out.

What he found was Sai and Kisame playing Bleach: Blade Battlers. Sai was playing as Ichigo, while Kisame was playing as Kenpachi. Kisame was getting his ass beaten.

"YOU SUCK WITH ME!!! GIVE ME THAT!!!"

Kenpachi took the controller and proceeded to beat Sai in just five seconds.

"OK, I'm leaving."

"But we need to collect the money from Ichigo," said the other guy.

"But that's not Ichigo," said Kenpachi. "Look at him. He is totally Uryū."

"THAT'S BECAUSE I AM DISGUISED AS HIM, DUMBASS!!!"

"Oh, nice one Ichigo. Good job. Now fight me," Kenpachi said drawing his zanpakutō.

"SHIT!!! I SHOULD HAVE PAID MORE ATTENTION TO THE PLOT!!!" Sai was tearing through the Akatsuki hideout.

Sai ran directly into the interview room. This. Was. Bad. Kakuzu happened to see Kenpachi.

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE MY IDOL!!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?!?!?!?" asked Kakuzu.

"Sure," said Kenpachi. "That will be 3,000,000 ryo."

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Kakuzu screamed.

He was still screaming when Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and the rest of Team Kakashi got there.

"Kakuzu, stop screaming," Itachi ordered.

Kakuzu kept going.

"Kakuzu, we're doing some very important… Kakuzu… Kaku…" Itachi finally sighed. "Can I come back to the Leaf?"

"NO!!!" yelled all of Team Kakashi.

Later, in Sasori's room, Itachi was thoroughly getting nailed by Sasori, who was, of course, using Byakuya.

"DAMMIT. WHY WON'T THIS GAARA WANNABE DIE!?!?"

"Damn. He really is god with Byakuya," said Sai and Sakura in unison.

"OK, that was a waste of three minutes of my life," said Itachi. "OK, so since Pain the Idiot is most likely to let you all in, I just have to say that this is a pretty good gig. We have a shit load of money thanks to Kakuzu, there's Sasori's room, you get free room and board, look cool, and you get known as the strongest ninja in existence."

"Cool," said all of Team Kakashi.

* * *

So this was the second chapter of Signing up for Akatsuki.

Don't worry, there is a method to my madness.

Also, please read Perfect Darkness, as it is pretty good.

Abarai Renji


	3. Pain in the Ass

Signing Up for the Akatsuki

Chapter 3: Pain… in the Ass

Disclaimer: I own Naruto… (Gets carted off by the authorities)

-

The new Team Itachi, which consisted of Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Team Kakashi, had just returned from a mission. The mission... was to get pizza for their latest videogame spree. The team met Pain at the door.

"So, guys, you are back. I need each one of you to fill out mission reports," said Pain.

"All of us?" asked Itachi, sweatdropping. They never went on an official mission.

"Do it or I swear death will feel like a relief after what I've done with you!" ordered Pain.

"Now do you see why he is such a pain in the ass?" asked Itachi.

"What was that? Did you call my name?" asked Pain.

"No."

* * *

Team Itachi was filling out their mission reports, albeit not with much enthusiasm.

"OK, so what should we say we did?" asked Itachi.

"Hmmm. Captured the Eight-tailed Yamata no Orochi?" Kakashi volunteered.

"No, it can't be that obvious. It needs to be something really heinous. How about we egged Orochimaru's house," said Sasori.

"That's good. Now I want to do that," Said Itachi.

And so it was decided that after filling out mission reports, Itachi's crew would go to egg Orochimaru's house.

After Itachi gave Pain the mission reports, he asked, "We're going out for some pizza. Do you want any?"

"Ummmmm… HEY GUYS!?!? YOU WANT SOME PIZZA!?!?!?" Pain's voice could be heard throughout Amegakure.

"No thanks. We found some leftovers in Sasori's room," said Kakuzu. "Who was the delivery chain? It looks like it was cut by Zabimaru."

'Oh crap. They found our pizza. I told Sasori not to leave it in his room,' Itachi thought. 'Oh well. Time to egg Orochimaru's house.'

* * *

It took them an hour to reach their destination. They got in to a decent position when Sasori asked, "Hey Kakashi, did you remember the eggs?"

"I asked Naruto to bring the eggs. Hey Naruto, did you bring the eggs?" asked Kakashi.

"I know I put them in my pocket somewhere." Naruto looked in his pockets and pulled out his necklace, which was a present from Tsunade for mastering the Rasengan, a tent, a canoe, the Hokage Great Stone Faces, and finally, a carton with thirteen eggs. "Right here."

"OK, let's do it," said Sasori, after getting inside his puppet, Hiroku.

"Umm. Sasori, why are you using that puppet?" asked Itachi.

"The tail serves multiple purposes. Right now it's a catapult," said Sasori.

Itachi felt like an idiot. And by idiot I mean he pulled a Tobi. Great Uchihas think alike, right?

Finally, after Naruto put an egg on Hiroku's tail, Sasori let it fire. The egg went sailing and landed smack on Orochimaru's… head.

"HEY YOU!!! GET OFF MY PROPERTY!!!" yelled a very pissed off Orochimaru.

"Itachi. Use your Mangekyou Sharingan," said Naruto.

"WHAT!!! You actually thought that worked?" asked Itachi.

"It doesn't? Then what did you do to all those people? Kakashi, what did he do to you?" asked Naruto.

"I just hit them really hard. I'm really fast. I just thought it was a cool thing to do with my eyes. Shisui-san literally died when I showed him."

"Oh shit. RUN!!!!" everyone said.

The Akatsuki team was about to turn tail and run (literally in Sasori's case), when Naruto caught wind of someone playing Guitar Hero III.

"Oh great. The teme is playing Guitar Hero," said Naruto.

"AND HE'S KICKING ASS!!! OH SASUKE-KUN!!!" Apparently Sakura was still in love with Sasuke. (Don't ask. We can't figure it out either.)

"I wonder… wait. My DDR senses are tingling," said Sasori.

"One rule," said Itachi without missing a beat. "Never get Sasori within five miles of a DDR."

The gang raced to Orochimaru's front door and rang the bell. A long, ghastly hiss emanated from inside the house.

"Yesssss?" asked Orochimaru.

"We came for your DDR," said Sasori.

"Why don't you get your own DDR?"

Itachi said, "Do you think we have a DDR on base?"

"Well, if Itachi-kun is with you, it's OK." Orochimaru was still after the Sharingan, but for some reason, he wanted to keep Sasuke around. Not to mention he was a complete pervert for Itachi.

They went inside when Kakashi screamed, "Hey Sasuke!!! Come out here. I want to talk to you about something."

"Kakashi-sensei? No. I will not come back until Itachi's dead," came the voice of Uchiha Sasuke from the back room.

"Actually I just wanted to play DDR…" said Kakashi.

"Well too bad. I'm playing Guitar Hero."

"But Naruto is here and…"

"THE DOBE IS HERE!?!? WE ARE SO PLAYING GUILTY GEAR XX THEN!!!!"

"But I wanted to play DDR," said Sasori.

"Oh god. Not another TV dispute. Let's just play DDR for thirty minutes and Guilty Gear for 30?" asked Itachi.

"Because Naruto refuses to give up until he's won," said Sasuke.

"But… Can I come back to the Leaf?" asked Itachi.

"NO!!!" everyone including Orochimaru screamed.

"That's why we have two TVs," said Orochimaru.

"OK," said Naruto and went to play Guilty Gear with Sasuke while the rest went to play DDR

* * *

Back at the Akatsuki hideout, Pain was having a meeting with the remaining members.

"Guys. I realize that you haven't been given many missions, but I honestly don't need you to go out for missions. I need you to defend our base," said Pain.

"What?" asked Kakuzu. "You mean we are just stuck here?"

"Well, Itachi's guys are very thorough."

"Tobi does not understand what Pain-sama is talking about. Tobi wants to know what Pain-sama asked Itachi-san to do," said Tobi.

"Well, the last mission I sent them on was… well gosh, I can't remember." Pain grabbed a stack of mission reports. "Well, I didn't send them to go get pizza, Uzumaki-san must have just written this as a gag." After reading the next one in the stack, he said, "Oh yeah. I sent them to egg Orochimaru's house."

* * *

So there's another chapter. Let me know how I did. I tried to ham it up as much as possible and still keep a plot going.

Also, read some of my friend, Guardian's Light's stories. He is a really good author.

Catch you next time,

Abarai Renji.


	4. L And the URL

I wanted to do another Signing up for the Akatsuki chapter but I didn't get any inspiration until I started watching Death Note, which has the character L. I then thought of a one shot in which L is made into a plot of the term URL, which is 1337 for web address.

I then thought, why not incorporate it into this story somehow, so here it is. Signing up for the Akatsuki, with guest star, L Lawliet!!

* * *

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR DEATH NOTE!!

* * *

Chapter 4: L and the URL

* * *

"I'm bored," said Sasori. "I wish we had something to do."

"I know what you mean," said Itachi. "Ever since we went to Orochimaru's house, there's been nothing to do."

"Hey guys," said Kakashi. "How about a StarCraft Tournament?"

"No," said Naruto. "I don't want to be Zerg Rushed by Sai again."

"Naruto, I only Zerg Rushed you about…" Sai paused to count on his fingers. "307,851,203 times."

"Hey," said Sakura. "How about we check on that one fanfic that Sasori was reading."

"Good idea," said Sasori. "We can see if they added me."

About 5 minutes later they had reached the person's profile where the story had been added.

"Woo!! Here he is," said Kakashi.

"Yeah, but it was kinda hard to find the guy because he changed his name to Renji9031 as opposed to Sasuke9031," said Kisame.

"But dude," said Itachi. "Didn't he do that before writing THIS fic?"

"I don't know Itachi," said Sakura before slapping Itachi upside the head. "AND THAT'S FOR USING AMATERASU ON THE FOURTH WALL!!"

"Sorry," said Itachi.

"ITACHI!! GET YOUR TEAM DOWN HERE!!" screamed everybody's favorite royal Pain.

"Coming," said Itachi. "And by the way, Sakura, didn't I already say that I couldn't really do Amaterasu?"

"Right," said Sakura.

* * *

Down in Pain's office, Team Itachi was met by a very nice version of Pain.

"What do you want, Pain?" asked Itachi.

"I just realized," started Pain. "I never formally accepted you guys into Akatsuki did I?"

'Did Pain finally get some brains?' thought Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori simultaneously.

"So here goes. You are now official members of Akatsuki. Here are your cards and your cloaks," said Pain.

'So much for that theory," thought the Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori.

"Thanks for the cards, but about the cloaks, we're all right, thanks," said Kakashi.

Pain looked and saw that they were all wearing the trademark Akatsuki cloak.

"Where the hell did you get those?" asked Pain. "Have you been raiding my stores again Itachi?"

"Actually, sir, we got them off of eBay," said Itachi.

"Oh, well, so did we."

"You mean you don't actually sew these?" asked Kakashi.

"Yeah, well, the thing is… Kakuzu can't sew," said Pain.

"But he's made out of thread."

"So?"

"So you would think… Oh screw it," said Kakashi.

"YOU MEAN FUCK IT!!" yelled Hidan from the next room.

"We're going back to our rooms," said Itachi.

"Yeah well take this spy with you," said Pain.

* * *

Later, in Sasori's Chill Zone, Team Itachi was sitting next to the so-called spy, a man with a hunched back and unkempt hair.

"So, let me see, so your name is..." Itachi looked at his name. "What's this? The letter L? OK, so apparently your name is the letter L."

"Yeah, it's L," said the dude, whose name was apparently only one letter long.

"Of all the letters, why L?" asked Kakashi?

"Because it sounds cool," said L. "And you know what else sounds cool? Believe it."

"I TOLD YOU!!" screamed Naruto.

"Shut up, Dickless, nobody gives a shit," said Sai.

"HEY!! WHERE'D RENJI9031'S PAGE GO!!" yelled Sasori.

"I don't know," said Kisame. "Do you remember the URL?"

"Yes. Yes I am L," said L.

"No, not you, L," said Kisame. "The URL."

"I know I'm L," said L.

"L, we're not talking about you, we're talking about the website, OK?" asked Itachi.

"Fine," said L.

After finding Renji9031's page again and reading the story, they had discovered 5 chapters, but Sasori was still only in one paragraph.

After attempting to complain again, Sasori was met by a message.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ANONYMOUS REVIEWS!?"

"Hey dude, let's watch some NTAS!!" said Naruto.

"Since when did you watch NTAS?" said Itachi.

"Since Shikamaru showed it to us three weeks ago," said Naruto. "Now come on. I didn't get to see episode 5 yet."

"And why not?" asked Itachi.

"Because the Self-proclaimed King of DDR decided to RickRoll our readers rather than give us another episode and we haven't seen one since."  
"DDR?" asked Sasori. "Where?"

"What did I tell you about Sasori and DDR?" asked Itachi.

"Oops, sorry," said Naruto. "Now type in that URL for YouTube and let's do this."

"I KNOW I AM FUCKING L!!" said L.

"God. Can I come back to the Leaf?" asked Itachi.

"No," said L.

"Do you even know what the leaf is?" asked Itachi.

"No," said L.

"Then shut the fuck up and never speak again or else I'll be forced to use my Mangekyo on you."

"But you said that it didn't…" said Naruto before being punched in the face by Itachi.

"He doesn't know and I'd like to keep it that way," whispered Itachi before sending Naruto flying.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the Sand Village…

"Who the hell is Gaara of the Funk?" asked Gaara.

All of a sudden the room started to change colors and the ever-popular "ncha ncha ncha ncha GAARA OF THE FUNK" song came on.

* * *

Yes, I know. It's the most pointless fic ever, but it's supposed to be.

So anyways, please read and review, or face the wrath of THE FUNK!!


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